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Hire Me…Please?

February 22, 2011

Resume writing is exhausting. I really haven’t gotten down the art of telling someone in 4 paragraphs what I have done and why they should take a chance on me. This is hard yet I go on. Seriously I’m getting bored with trying to tell people how I increased credit card applications at my store 40% or how through re-merchandising my intimate apparel department I increased sales 30%, or how I knew our customer so freaking well that all my suggestions that I to corporate flew out the door in a week of getting the shipment. Blah, blah, blah… still no on wants me. So, to anyone at Amazon, Eddie Bauer, Nordstrom, Union Bay, Chasing Fireflies, Peekay, Baby Legs, Blue Nile, Tommy Bahama, or any other Seattle-based company here are the real reasons why you should hire me.

1. I’m a breath of fresh air- I’m serious, but not so uptight that I forget the important things in life. Even in the most stressful situations I’m a tranquil ocean, usually. Here’s an example: when meeting the VP of Stores for the first time I’m cracking jokes about I increased credit in our store though fear and bullying. Being a 5′ 2″ and very non-threatening this seemed to crack up both crack him up as well as his assistant and my District Manager. No, I’m not inappropriate, but I like to keep people at ease.

2. Coffee- Never fear of a coffee shortage when I am around. I mainline it. The office will never go without coffee.

3. Crack cupcakes- So this goes with the coffee, but I’m adding it in to fluff my list. Apparently I found my hidden talent of baking and boy can I do it. They say that the way to a man’s heart is though his stomach. If this is true I have many admirers in my apartment complex. If you hire me I will bake my coffee cupcakes a.k.a. my crack cupcakes (they are that good) for you.

4. Ms. Fix-it- Can she fix it? Yes she can! I can fix computers, four-ways, escalators, and various mechanical things. Excel not working? No problem just call me. I will widen the cells and format things until it does work. Mouse not working? No worries, I can plug it in. Escalator broken? Not and issue. I can fix it. A very useful skill that I have picked up while working in retail. If I can’t I will call the repairman. So, yeah, I can fix anything. Well, just not printers. I kind of break those…

5. No drama Momma- I hate drama so I try not to cause it. So, unless you are filming a new reality TV show than I’m perfect. If you are looking for a TV show, well, maybe we can work something out, but I will not move to The Hills, compete for the love of any celebrity (or anyone who thinks that they are one),  or go on company outings to the Jersey Shore. Just can not do it.

6. I will work, work, work- Since becoming a momma I have learned how to get things done without stopping. No, I don’t even break for sleep. Just hook up my coffee IV and I keep on going, and going, and going. On top of that the amount of things that I can do at once has increase 10 fold. Yes, I can feed and change a baby while making diner, do laundry, make the bed, keep the cats away from the bathroom (why do they insist hanging out there anyway?) and keep you what just happened on Project Runway. Talk about multitasking.

What would you like to add to your resume if you could?

 

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