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The Thing About My Butt Size

August 18, 2010

Slowly I slip off my shoes and socks and check for any additional items that may weigh me down. As gently as possible I step up and exhale all my breath waiting for the scale to stop spinning.  The results are not pretty; pregnancy weight sucks. The number I put on while pregnant would make any person weep. A whooping 50 pounds. Yes, you read that right. Damn those cravings for vegetarian burritos. Damn living next to Todo Mexico, the most delicious Mexican food place this side of Mexico. Those guys can cook. Has anyone checked to see if they add crack to the food? It would explain so much…

Coming home from the hospital was no picnic either. The first week home I weighed 7 pounds less than when I was pregnant. Hmmm… that’s exactly how much Bug weighed. Wasn’t I suppose to lose more? My god I was peeing like I was 9 months pregnant and bleeding even more. Magically by the time I was three weeks old I had lost almost 25 pounds and that hasn’t budged since. Even worse by the time Bug  was  3 months old I still needed to lose 25 pounds. Bang head against wall.

No, it gets worse. My friend is getting married in September and I am in the wedding. Even better I get to wear a strapless halter dress. Cue dramatic music. Being that she is getting married in Pittsburgh and I live in sunny Seattle my dress fitting was done via phone and although the lady I talked to she sure knew how to make me a stuffed pig ready to be cooked.

Her: “So what are your measurements?

Me: ” Well my bust is 42″ my waist is 37″ and my hips are 42″.”

Her: “Hmm… Are you sure that you got them professionally measured.”  (Just to clarify here I was measured and I did go to fashion school so I do understand how to use a tape measure. My sizes were correct.)

Me: “Um, yes?”

Her: “Well you are a very different size. So, what is your height and weight?”

Me: “I’m 5’2″ and um (in a bit of a whisper) 170 pounds.”

Her: “OH, well than…”

Me: “Well, I did just have a baby so I’m loosing weight.”

Her: “Hm. When did you have this baby?”

Me: “Well, (a bit defeated) 8 months ago…”

Her: (cutting me off) “I see.”

Me: “Well I’m also breastfeeding  and will be stopping right before the wedding so I know that my sizes will change by than. That what my doctor said.”

Her: “Well, in case that doesn’t happen let’s go with a 22w.”

Me: Having a minor heart attack.”A 22w?!?!”

Her: “Well we could go with something smaller. In case you do lose some weight. Remember it is easier to take a dress in than to make it bigger.”

After talking we negotiated it to a 20w. Crap. Really? Seriously? My ass is losing the weight. In the last few months I have dropped to 162 pounds. Go me! 12 more to go before September to get back to my pre-prego weight. I can do that. What I would really love is to get down to my ideal weight and walk in 130 pounds of sexy, but lets face reality. I love doughnuts way to much to hit that by September. Time to get on the WiiFit.

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